I wish I knew what was wrong with me... Why do I feel so lonely and unloved... It has been nearly 2 months since I have lain eyes on her, but it still hurts to tink of her name. She chats with me sometimes, and I chat back.. I care. I try not to go to that other place, the place where I think about being with her... I try to keep it friendly, but it still hurts... sometimes it is hard to type with the tears streaming down my face.
At the same time, someone is interested in me. I am glad of that. I like her too. but I never get any time with her.. she lives 5 miles away and I see her less than I saw Lady S who was 35 miles away. It is very frustrating. Last night I saw her for 5 min at my house with no kids, then that was it until I had no place to take my son and she suggested I bring him by the football game with her... We watched the gam and that was it... I guess I should be thankful I got to spend that time with her.. but I was visibly disapointed that there was not more... Maybe I want too much, and maybe I should be thankful for what I do have, but it bothers me... Maybe I need to give up on it for a while and quit worrying about it... Maybe I should just decide to be alone.
someone pointed out a comment that some one made to her.. about rockin his world..... that fuckin hurt. I wasnt ready for that. I did not want to know that yet.. I can't handle that.. then to top it off. she contacts me and it seems like she just wants to make sure i know she slept with him and is sleeping with him... this fuckin hurts like hell... I can;t deal with this shit... why can;t I just not talk to her. why cant I just ignore her. why the hell does it hurt so...... why?????????
