posted by Mr. Mom @ 11:24 PM
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Monday, May 29, 2006
I guess that is that.... She can't deal with GM being my friend and I can't deal with not feeling like I am wanted.... Maybe one day in the future things will be different. I am not going to count on it, but maybe one day.........
29 May 2006
.... from earlier today
OK, Today was not such a good day. Lady S is mad at me cause my friend GM wanted to take me to dinner for my birthday, which is in a few days. It was a very good dinner too. Any way, Lady S seems to think GM wants me. This is so not true! But you can't tell her that. No matter what, she is not going to believe me. I guess that is my own damn fault, but that does not make it any less frustrating. She also thinks I put GM first all of the time. My question is "If GM wants me so bad, and I want her (I must if I am putting her first) the why the hell aren't we together?"
It is just so damn frustrating trying to be with her, but I want to feel like she wants me too. I just am not feeling that very often. Usually i feel like a neghbor or something when I am around her. I just don't feel like she wants me any more...
Dreams
OK, Today was not such a good day. Lady S is mad at me cause my friend GM wanted to take me to dinner for my birthday, which is in a few days. It was a very good dinner too. Any way, Lady S seems to think GM wants me. This is so not true! But you can't tell her that. No matter what, she is not going to believe me. I guess that is my own damn fault, but that does not make it any less frustrating. She also thinks I put GM first all of the time. My question is "If GM wants me so bad, and I want her (I must if I am putting her first) the why the hell aren't we together?"
It is just so damn frustrating trying to be with her, but I want to feel like she wants me too. I just am not feeling that very often. Usually i feel like a neghbor or something when I am around her. I just don't feel like she wants me any more...
posted by Mr. Mom @ 11:05 PM
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Saturday, May 27, 2006
I have been dreaming a lot lately. Mostly sexual in nature. That is odd, because I never used to have those kinds of dreams. Not even as a teenager. Infact, I think I have had only 5 of those kinds of dreams before this year. Now, it is almost every night. They worry me a little because of what I dream. Usually it includes me and Lady S. Sometimes it is Lady S and someone else. Or there are three of us (or more). It is kind of wierd that I can feel myself so turned on in the dreams and a little hurt too. Sometimes in those dreams we get kinda nasty :) I like having those dreams...
27 May, 2006
posted by Mr. Mom @ 3:44 PM
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I had a good time last night. I drank, but not too much. Good thing too, or the old women would have had their way with me.... :( I don't know what was in the water, but it was scary. And why the hell did Big D leave me hanging like that with that old bitch grinding all over me?! I did not want to be mean to her, and ruin her good time, but that was really wierd. I don't know, I guess I could have made her week by dancing with her. It would not have killed me, But I wasn't that drunk ... yet.
Now, when the other old broad wanted to dance (clean this time thankfully) I was drunk enough. But she tried to get me to leave and head to another club. I don't think so! So I told her I would meet her there :) Oops... Oh well, I did have a really good time. That is what maters...
26 May, 2006
Now, when the other old broad wanted to dance (clean this time thankfully) I was drunk enough. But she tried to get me to leave and head to another club. I don't think so! So I told her I would meet her there :) Oops... Oh well, I did have a really good time. That is what maters...
posted by Mr. Mom @ 10:09 AM
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OK I have taken the kids to their mom. Lady S was nice enough to drive part way back (like half) We were so exhausted when we got to her house that we just crashed. The next morning, I asked (cause I was a little confused) whether I was spending the day with her or not. She said "If you want to." so I did. Then Monday, I was bored out of my head by myself, so I asked if I could come over and bring her a coloring book that she wanted (isn't that cute) I ended up staying like an hour and a half, but maybe saw her for like 10 min... I know it was late, but... Tuesday, I asked if I could come over and watch american Idol with her. I did not get a very warm response to that, but she agreed. It was good, but she was really into it. She did talk to me some, especially near the end. Then we watched house, and I drove home and went to bed... Wednesday was TKD, so no Lady S for me that night. Thursday I was available, but it was family night at the local festival and she was there with her family.
Tonight, I am at home, bored to death again. I hope she will call and invite me over for a while, but it does not look like that will happen. She seems to be in a really bad mood because she can't find a sitter and go back out to the festival. I do hope she invites me over soon. I am missing her . I guess i could ask to see her. but that kind of feels like begging - especiall after this past week. We shall see.....
... Big D just IM'd me about going out. I don't really feel like it though. I am kinda not in the mood. But, maybe it will be fun. Now that I think about it, why shouldn't I go out with my friend. I am going to do it, besides, he is paying :)
20 May 2006
Tonight, I am at home, bored to death again. I hope she will call and invite me over for a while, but it does not look like that will happen. She seems to be in a really bad mood because she can't find a sitter and go back out to the festival. I do hope she invites me over soon. I am missing her . I guess i could ask to see her. but that kind of feels like begging - especiall after this past week. We shall see.....
... Big D just IM'd me about going out. I don't really feel like it though. I am kinda not in the mood. But, maybe it will be fun. Now that I think about it, why shouldn't I go out with my friend. I am going to do it, besides, he is paying :)
posted by Mr. Mom @ 9:50 AM
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Sunday, May 21, 2006
I have no idea why I was so upset last night about her getting poked. I definately do not feel that way now. In fact, I am kind of excited by it now. Lately, my emotions kind of bounce like that. It sucks, cause I made an ass of myself for something that will be very nice. I was (and still am) disapointed that I did not get to go, but its nothing like yesterday. I feel kind of silly about it now. But am really excited by the thought of spending time with her.
I am going to miss the kids, and they are going to miss me too. A will especially. He has started writing in his journal. I hope he is OK without me. It will be nice to not have to worry with the day to day stuff for a while, but I will definately miss my hugs and kisses every night.
I know the drive will be tough with the kids, the do like to fuss and argue. Good thing I only have to drive half way. I really don't want to get angry with them on the way...
19 May 2006
I am going to miss the kids, and they are going to miss me too. A will especially. He has started writing in his journal. I hope he is OK without me. It will be nice to not have to worry with the day to day stuff for a while, but I will definately miss my hugs and kisses every night.
I know the drive will be tough with the kids, the do like to fuss and argue. Good thing I only have to drive half way. I really don't want to get angry with them on the way...
posted by Mr. Mom @ 8:50 PM
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Friday, May 19, 2006
Well, at least I was able to sleep last night. I feel better because I told Lady S, but I feel bad because I think she thinks I want that other girl. I don't. I was briefly arroused by her when I thought things between Lady S and I were going nowhere. Then, I guess I was not as firm with my refusal as I should have been in the hopes that she would be there if things with Lady S fell completely apart. I am ashamed of my lack of faith in the two of us. I should have been stronger than that.
Lady S did tell me last night that her friends want her to eat dinner and then go get pierced again. I was upset. We had talked about that and it is something I wanted to do with her. I want one myself and wanted to do it together (Since I will never go alone ) Oh well, I know its her friends and she hasn't seen them in forever. I guess I would feel better if ther were paying for it. That way I could say it was the money and that was the reason she did not want to wait and do it with me... I guess if I look at it, she has no reason to wait on me. I have done enough that I am surprised she told me and didn't just do it. But that is not like her. Any way, I gave my blessing :) and that is that. She is still planning on going with me tomorrow, so I will possibly get a peek at them. Not sureif I will or if I want to just yet
The kids were really excited this morning. They can't wait to go to Georgia. I hope they are not too disapointed by their mom. I want to take them to the fair tonight. Let them have some fun before they go.
Ok, just talked to Lady S again. Now she does not know if she is going to go and get that done. She does not have a sitter. I don't know how I feel about that yet...
Ok, talked to her again, and she is going to do it. I had a knot in my stomach as she told me. I was a little upset about it.. I did not want her to go without me. I wanted to be with her and we both could do it. she doesn't believe I will. and I guess I probably won't now. I did not want to let her know how I felt cause I was afraid that she would change her mind for athat reason. I didn't have to worry about that. Then she explained some of her reasons for doing it and I felt a little better. not a whole lot. I still wanted to go through it with her. She says I can be ther for the tatoo, but its not the same. Then she said maybe she could go with me and have something else done, but I think she is just offering that because she knows I am upset. I don't think she really wants that at all.
Took the kids to the fair tonight. That was cool. the kids had a great time. they both wanted to ride their first scary ride, "the Bullet", so of course, I had to ride with them. Did I mention that I am afraid of heights! It wasn't too bad for me cause B started sliding out of her seat and I was concentrating on holding her in... Then they wanted to do it again. This time it was just me and B, A road with a friend of his. It wasn't so hard to keep B in place that time.. It was a great night. I think the kids will remember having fun with Daddy.
18 May, 2006
Lady S did tell me last night that her friends want her to eat dinner and then go get pierced again. I was upset. We had talked about that and it is something I wanted to do with her. I want one myself and wanted to do it together (Since I will never go alone ) Oh well, I know its her friends and she hasn't seen them in forever. I guess I would feel better if ther were paying for it. That way I could say it was the money and that was the reason she did not want to wait and do it with me... I guess if I look at it, she has no reason to wait on me. I have done enough that I am surprised she told me and didn't just do it. But that is not like her. Any way, I gave my blessing :) and that is that. She is still planning on going with me tomorrow, so I will possibly get a peek at them. Not sureif I will or if I want to just yet
The kids were really excited this morning. They can't wait to go to Georgia. I hope they are not too disapointed by their mom. I want to take them to the fair tonight. Let them have some fun before they go.
Ok, just talked to Lady S again. Now she does not know if she is going to go and get that done. She does not have a sitter. I don't know how I feel about that yet...
Ok, talked to her again, and she is going to do it. I had a knot in my stomach as she told me. I was a little upset about it.. I did not want her to go without me. I wanted to be with her and we both could do it. she doesn't believe I will. and I guess I probably won't now. I did not want to let her know how I felt cause I was afraid that she would change her mind for athat reason. I didn't have to worry about that. Then she explained some of her reasons for doing it and I felt a little better. not a whole lot. I still wanted to go through it with her. She says I can be ther for the tatoo, but its not the same. Then she said maybe she could go with me and have something else done, but I think she is just offering that because she knows I am upset. I don't think she really wants that at all.
Took the kids to the fair tonight. That was cool. the kids had a great time. they both wanted to ride their first scary ride, "the Bullet", so of course, I had to ride with them. Did I mention that I am afraid of heights! It wasn't too bad for me cause B started sliding out of her seat and I was concentrating on holding her in... Then they wanted to do it again. This time it was just me and B, A road with a friend of his. It wasn't so hard to keep B in place that time.. It was a great night. I think the kids will remember having fun with Daddy.
posted by Mr. Mom @ 6:45 PM
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Yeah, I know the dates don't match - So sue me :)
I just told the kids that they would be spending the summer in Georgia. They are so excited. Beth asked if they could sleep with me the last 2 nights before they go. Of course I said yes. I kind of feel bad that I am looking forward to them being gone. I know I will miss them very badly after the first few days, but I realy need a stress break and I know there is no way I can afford day-care in the summer time.
I dread that long trip, but at the same time, I am excited. Lady S and I will be thogether for hours. That excites me and scares me too. I want to be near to her, but I don't want to screw up things like I have been. She said today that I must have feelings for that other girl or I would not have kept it (the calls and msgs) under my hat like I did. I have been thinking about it, and I think she is right. But not serious feelings. I do feel guilty cause she seems so naieve and innocent - and i feel like I took advantage of that.
Also, from some of the things she has said, I am a tad bit thoughtful about what sex would be like. I think she could be fun for a little while, but nothing longterm was ever possible. I think she is eager and willing to please, which is what makes the thought of sex so tempting, and is also what makes the longterm impossible. She is too willing, almost needy. All in all, I am not sure if I would be with her, if ther was no Lady S in my life. I know that it could not last at all, so it would have to hurt her. That said, I probably would not, if I had a chance to think about it.
It disturbes me to realize that Lady S is so tuned into me. she is always right when it comes to my thoughts and feelings and emotions. I know that I would never be able to keep anything from her. What I did, I would just feel some urge to tell her in my own foolish, clumbsy way. I hate that and I love it at the same time, Like I do so many things about her. But it is always more love than hate. Always
I just told the kids that they would be spending the summer in Georgia. They are so excited. Beth asked if they could sleep with me the last 2 nights before they go. Of course I said yes. I kind of feel bad that I am looking forward to them being gone. I know I will miss them very badly after the first few days, but I realy need a stress break and I know there is no way I can afford day-care in the summer time.
I dread that long trip, but at the same time, I am excited. Lady S and I will be thogether for hours. That excites me and scares me too. I want to be near to her, but I don't want to screw up things like I have been. She said today that I must have feelings for that other girl or I would not have kept it (the calls and msgs) under my hat like I did. I have been thinking about it, and I think she is right. But not serious feelings. I do feel guilty cause she seems so naieve and innocent - and i feel like I took advantage of that.
Also, from some of the things she has said, I am a tad bit thoughtful about what sex would be like. I think she could be fun for a little while, but nothing longterm was ever possible. I think she is eager and willing to please, which is what makes the thought of sex so tempting, and is also what makes the longterm impossible. She is too willing, almost needy. All in all, I am not sure if I would be with her, if ther was no Lady S in my life. I know that it could not last at all, so it would have to hurt her. That said, I probably would not, if I had a chance to think about it.
It disturbes me to realize that Lady S is so tuned into me. she is always right when it comes to my thoughts and feelings and emotions. I know that I would never be able to keep anything from her. What I did, I would just feel some urge to tell her in my own foolish, clumbsy way. I hate that and I love it at the same time, Like I do so many things about her. But it is always more love than hate. Always
posted by Mr. Mom @ 6:21 PM
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