posted by Mr. Mom @ 12:35 PM
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Saturday, February 17, 2007
Not sure what to make of work.... I was called into one of the owners offfices yesterday.. He was happy to tell me how great I am, and how much potential I have, and how far I could go, and how much they rely on me... But through it all it feels more like baiting me..... Like they are trying to hold a carrot in front of me to get me to do what they want. "We would love to give you a raise if only...." or "You are the only person holding you back... " or "There is so much we want to do for you if only you would...." I hate that shit! If I am so damn good and they need me so damn bad, then why can I not afford daycare for my kids? If I am so damn good (and I am I just don't think they value it) then was was my 90 day eval postponed until they found a reason to reprimand me? If I am such a valualble member of the team, then why am I constantly getting "my" mistakes thrown back into my face -- especially when they are not my mistakes... They are the owners mistakes.. They are the ones that fucked up the situation by acting like I was guilty and treating me like I was guilty and not even investigationg the situation... Then they proceed to have info brought to their attention that contradicts my involvement in the situation - yet I never heard an appology.... and am infact still being punished for what they have learned is not my fault..... They bitch because I do not get my time entered into the system, I used to. I was the most billable (atleast tied for it) when that crap happened and they started treating me this way... everytime I think I am getting past it, they manage to throw it back into my face, Just last week, Harold came around and said he had a compliment from that client about me. The compliment was that I seem like I have grown up at last. What the hell kind of compliment is that? It sounds more like an insult to me... I have not grown up any more than I was, I just quit talking to everyone at that site. If I say more than 5 words, it is because I am telling them what they have been doing wrong and to stop it before they screw something else up... Since when does "does not speak" = "grown up" ?????
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
I suppose it has been a while since I have posted anything again.... :) Well, a lot has happened. I am dating Pearl now - oficially. Little miss no show went 3 weeks without contacting me or returning my calls (I only tried the next 2 days, after that I figured I had done my part) - then texted me out of the blue... After just a few texts, she wanted to know if I was "seeing anyone" I told her I was. I think that is all she wanted as the conversation went quickly downhill after that... My son got kicked out of daycare- Now I got to find a new one... My Ex-Wife finally decided to call the kids - and threaten me. I tried to file my taxes and found out my Ex already claimed the kids Even though she has provided absolutely $0 in support this past year....
Hows that for a start??!!
Pearl and I are together now. It is still kind of wierd. She is so good to me and so very caring... She loves to be around me and to come over and do what ever we can :) Sometime I feel like she mothers me.... She has even gone as far as to tuck me in at night. Its really strange because it is not how I am used to feeling in a relationship... Sometimes when she is not around, I wonder if my feelings are as strong as I think they are, but when she is near, there is no question... I like her just being around. Sitting near me... It doesn't matter what we do. She has sat and watched me work and I was perfectly happy with that.
Somethimes though, I feel like when I talk about us there is a dark shadow over us... And I guess there is... I feel like I have done her a disjustice.. I went where I shouldn't have... atleast not yet... I should have waited, but I didn't and now --- well... I fell like I have assumed responsibility for something I cannot maintain the upkeep on... Like a kid who talks his parrents into a getting him a pet, but will not take it out for a walk or feed it. Only, I cant give it back... It seems that old problems are still haunting me -- and I am totally at a loss as to what to do about it... I am scared, and lonely and confused... In some ways having a girlfriend is more of a burden than I think I can handle, I should have left things were they were. Atleast then I didn't have to worry about this.... I mean Each time it happens it gets worse... Right now I can't even be near her without it happening, and it even happend once when I was alone (that never has happened before) It doesn't help matters any that I just realized that I have not done it without help since Jennifer left (except for 1 time with Jennifer). So far she has taken it well, but she is starting to think it is her. I know its me. I don't know what to do.
I feel like it was wrong for me to bring her to this place and not be able to continue. I feel like it is hurting her as much as it does me... It can turn a perfectly good evening into crap.. Things are fine one minute, then I just want to hide my face and not see anyone or be around anyone. It shames me.
OK, on a different note... A getting kicked out of daycare was kind of a bummer. It had been well over 2 months since his mother had talked to them, and the longer it got the more he acted out. This is just like the last time she pulled this crap. The se F'n called me that afternoon.. later that evening she called the kids and after she was through pumping the kids for info, she proceded to threaten me. So what Pearle spent the night with me -- she is living with a guy (but they are more like room mates now). I hate that bitch! THen I go to file my taxes, and apparently somebody already claimed my children on their taxes.... I wonder who that could have been. I called the IRS and I can still file, they will investigate and (hopefully) punish the fraudulent person.. Thats all fine and well, but My return is going to be severely delayed..... As soon as it is in, I am going back to the lawyer and we are going to get her to do SOMETHING for these kids....
OK, well, that is my update... maybe I won't wait so long next time...
Hows that for a start??!!
Pearl and I are together now. It is still kind of wierd. She is so good to me and so very caring... She loves to be around me and to come over and do what ever we can :) Sometime I feel like she mothers me.... She has even gone as far as to tuck me in at night. Its really strange because it is not how I am used to feeling in a relationship... Sometimes when she is not around, I wonder if my feelings are as strong as I think they are, but when she is near, there is no question... I like her just being around. Sitting near me... It doesn't matter what we do. She has sat and watched me work and I was perfectly happy with that.
Somethimes though, I feel like when I talk about us there is a dark shadow over us... And I guess there is... I feel like I have done her a disjustice.. I went where I shouldn't have... atleast not yet... I should have waited, but I didn't and now --- well... I fell like I have assumed responsibility for something I cannot maintain the upkeep on... Like a kid who talks his parrents into a getting him a pet, but will not take it out for a walk or feed it. Only, I cant give it back... It seems that old problems are still haunting me -- and I am totally at a loss as to what to do about it... I am scared, and lonely and confused... In some ways having a girlfriend is more of a burden than I think I can handle, I should have left things were they were. Atleast then I didn't have to worry about this.... I mean Each time it happens it gets worse... Right now I can't even be near her without it happening, and it even happend once when I was alone (that never has happened before) It doesn't help matters any that I just realized that I have not done it without help since Jennifer left (except for 1 time with Jennifer). So far she has taken it well, but she is starting to think it is her. I know its me. I don't know what to do.
I feel like it was wrong for me to bring her to this place and not be able to continue. I feel like it is hurting her as much as it does me... It can turn a perfectly good evening into crap.. Things are fine one minute, then I just want to hide my face and not see anyone or be around anyone. It shames me.
OK, on a different note... A getting kicked out of daycare was kind of a bummer. It had been well over 2 months since his mother had talked to them, and the longer it got the more he acted out. This is just like the last time she pulled this crap. The se F'n called me that afternoon.. later that evening she called the kids and after she was through pumping the kids for info, she proceded to threaten me. So what Pearle spent the night with me -- she is living with a guy (but they are more like room mates now). I hate that bitch! THen I go to file my taxes, and apparently somebody already claimed my children on their taxes.... I wonder who that could have been. I called the IRS and I can still file, they will investigate and (hopefully) punish the fraudulent person.. Thats all fine and well, but My return is going to be severely delayed..... As soon as it is in, I am going back to the lawyer and we are going to get her to do SOMETHING for these kids....
OK, well, that is my update... maybe I won't wait so long next time...
posted by Mr. Mom @ 11:46 PM
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